Thursday, February 3, 2011

Be gone you blue screen spawn of Satan!

Blue screens are the devil.

Not to rip off Waterboy...but they are. 

 If you have ever encountered one then you already know this. If you have not...be on your guard, the blue screen is lurking behind your seemingly innocent monitor just waiting for its chance to attack. 

You will be sitting there, minding your own business when BAM out of nowhere this horrid evil beast jumps out at you, not dissimilar to the demon in that possessed maze game that was taking over the internet several years ago. (You know the one I’m talking about. No doubt one of your “friends” sent you a link to this “fun game”, accompanied by some form of bragging about how far they got in it, in which you are supposed to navigate an increasingly narrower maze as quickly as possible without touching the edge, for if you do you are sent back to the beginning to start over. So after a misstep or two you are now concentrating intensely on not making a mistake again when suddenly a horrid demon jumps out at you screeching in some ungodly tone, causing you to lose your composure completely and revert to some primal state that can only be described as a combination of sheer terror and complete confusion resulting in girlish screams and possible loss of control of your bodily functions. For many of you these same “friends” took much pleasure in planning this attack and even went to great lengths to make a video record of this most humiliating moment to share with the world via “youtube”, a site that was seemingly created for the purpose of exploiting the humiliation of such unsuspecting victims. )

But I digress; this story is about the evil blue screen. So it goes something like this: One minute you are doing your work or peacefully browsing the internet and the next thing you know you are staring evil in the eye. Not only does this thing invade your personal space without warning or invitation, but it then proceeds to sabotage you. In some language you don’t comprehend it taunts you, and then your screen goes blank. Your screams of terror can be heard from outer space. It begins as shock, eases its way into panic, then grief as the realization that whatever you were working on is lost, with rage rounding the corner not far behind. To complicate matters further it hides behind numerous “possible causes” so as to steal your time as greedily as a sugar fiend guzzles sweets. If you know a bit about the machine you were operating you will probably invest a fair amount of additional time in researching and through much trial and error attempt to restore order and some sense of reassurance that you will not experience such horror again. If you do not know anything about how the machine works and are just using it in much the way the majority of “licensed” people operate cars, (minimal knowledge required), then you will likely end up calling a “geek” to come to your rescue. This option could result in a “nominal” financial investment, which this blue screen devil no doubt revels in. The ultimate joy for this beast is the loss of function of the machine resulting in the loss of your horde of data, usually in the form of documents, photos and music, that you no doubt hold dear.

Why am I telling you all this? Mostly for the perverse pleasure of knowing that you will now be worried about when and where this thing will sneak up on you, possibly losing sleep over it…You know the saying… Misery loves company. 

I’m just sayin’, watch your back, or monitor…either way.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

"Open Mindedness" = Hypocrisy

I detest hypocrisy. I believe it is the height of ignorance.
You'll have to forgive me humor is set aside this time...but I promise it will be back. ^_^

When people say to me that I am "close minded" or "judgmental" for simply stating what I believe to be truth according to the Word of God, is that not in itself a judgmental and close minded statement? It's hypocrisy. If you decided that a person is close minded for not sharing your beliefs, are you not doing the exact thing you described? You are being close minded to my way of thinking, are you not? 

EVERYONE is close minded to some degree. If you say there is nothing wrong with abortion but there is something wrong with opposing it you are doing the exact same thing the group of people you are opposed to are doing. 

Is legally forcing people to not pray in school any different than legally forcing them to pray?  Nope.

For example, let's say an Atheist says they are offended by hearing me pray and takes me to court to prevent me from praying anywhere they could possibly hear it. In turn, I am offended by their complaint, should I then take them to court over it and try to legally prevent them from disagreeing? My praying and their overhearing is not forcing them to do anything...they are free to walk away. HOWEVER their seeking to have it legally mandated that I cannot pray DOES force me to do something. How is that equality? How is that balanced? It is not, it is equally as "close minded". It is wholly hypocritical.

Being "Open Minded" means that you have to accept "Close Mindedness" lest you be considered "Close Minded" about "Close Mindedness". Funny isn't it.

If people were to be completely 100% open minded there would be no penalty for ANY action. NOTHING would be a crime because nothing would be wrong it would just be "different" or "diverse". By making anything a crime you are being close minded to the ideas of the perpetrator. Making you...yup that's right...a hypocrite. If you are to say my beliefs are close minded then you must then admit that by definition yours are also. You cannot preach open mindedness and yet not accept every action or thought of any other person. And that my friend would result in total chaos. Which is a topic for another time. lol

How is my saying that "If you do not believe that Jesus is the son of God and accept Him as your Lord and Savior then you will not go to Heaven." any worse than anyone else saying "If you believe that then you are a bigot and a horrible person and you shouldn't be allowed to say that!"? The fact is, it isn't.

What is acceptable has become simply a matter of whose voice is louder. If that's how it's gonna be then I am gonna SCREAM IT FROM THE ROOF TOPS FOR ALL THE WORLD TO HEAR! BECAUSE I AM NOT AFRAID OR ASHAMED OF MY SAVIOR AND HIS TEACHINGS AND NOTHING ANYONE SAYS OR DOES WILL EVER CHANGE THAT!!! And all the hypocrisy lovers out there can put that in their pipe and smoke it!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

"Shoot for the moon" is potentially dangerous advice...

You have to be careful when offering advice to people. You never know if they are going to be intelligent enough to properly apply it, let alone comprehend it's meaning. For example:

"Someone comes along and offers you seemingly innocent advice and the next thing you know you are in jail for assault with a deadly weapon. I mean honestly people, you have to be very specific when you tell a person to do something. Why in this life would I think that it was just a stupid saying that meant to set big goals and give it your all trying to attain them? ...Whatever that means.
At any rate, here I sit, cooling my heels in a cement cage that reeks of unwashed stink from what smells like the 80's. 
What happened you ask? Well, it all begins with some fool offering their best advice to me in a serious tone.
"Hey kid...ya wanna know my best advice?...Shoot for the moon and you'll go far in life."
So what did I do? Well, naturally I went and got my daddy's rifle and went out looking for the fullest moon I could find. One .22 round in a large, hairy plumber's cheek later and I'm in jail facing assault charges. They tell me it was a good thing I have bad aim because at the angle I hit my target it only blew the majority of his left cheek off. 
I guess that's what I get for listening to the advice of a guy with only 5 visible teeth and an enormous hairy gut hanging out of his beer stained wife beater. 

But I'll tell you what...I won't ever do that again."

 See what I mean?

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

To Kick Start This Mutha...

What would you like to know?

I mean, for what would you take the time out of your day to waste, er I mean, invest in soaking up the veritable forest of knowledge that I have to offer?

I suppose I should begin by addressing the poignant title of this awe inspiring blog of mine. Or perhaps not...it's fairly self explanatory:

1. Salvation: Comes through Christ, He died for our sins, that we may be forgiven and enter into eternity with our Father in Heaven.

2. Zombie Monkeys: Honestly, what could be more random than a monkey that is a zombie?

Which brings me to 3. Randomness...and that is what this blog is all about. The various musings of this cluttered mind.

Why would anyone want to know what I am thinking you ask? I have no idea.

It could be that they are a huge fan of waste and what better way to demonstrate such fandom than to waste moments of their lives by reading this drivel. Or possibly because they are morbidly curious like the gawkers who cause a traffic jam just to see if they can get a glimpse of the carnage at an auto accident. Or perhaps they, for some unfathomable reason, care what I might be thinking about....but probably not. It is infinitely more likely to be one of the former options.

And, with that addressed I will close out this first thought comprising this very first post in my new and improved babble forum.

Thank you for your time....(that you cannot get back as there are no substitutions, exchanges or refunds)....and Goooooood Night!