It has been over a year since my last post! I am failing in my duty to waste
your time and kill your brain cells. >.< I apologize for letting my
responsibility slide. Let's see...what useless bit of drivel can I make you
regret reading today?... I know! Let's talk about...your mother! I kid, what is
there to say that hasn't already been said about her, eh?
Moving on. I was out with the kids the other day and I saw some jackwagon
with a poorly written sign. It wasn't your average protest sign pissing and
whining about some self-centered tool's supposed "rights". It was a
news of the century story! Apparently there is a murderous band of guns that
have run amok killing people! I have to admit I was completely taken
aback. Why had I not heard about this? I mean ALL news simply must
go through me!.. How could something as scientifically astounding as autonomous
weaponry gone mad slip by without my having heard of it before now? Never mind
the potential threat it may pose to my family!
So many questions flooded my mind... How on earth did they come into
existence? Did they evolve? Did their molecules decide one day that some grudge
against the organic life forms, called "humans", must be settled with
bloodshed and thus began their spontaneous evolution from inanimate to living,
breathing, thinking entities?! Can they mutate other guns with a
touch, like the entity in the Dr. Who ep. “The Empty Child”; is it a viral
change? Or...are they an alien life form from some other mysterious world? I
don't know...the only-partially-informative-sign did not tell the whole
story. This would require research and defensive preparations….
The first thing I did when I got home was make sure my guns were separated from
their ammo, though the “news sign” did not specify that the guns had used
bullets to kill their targets, I felt this was a prudent preventative measure.
Next, I made sure they were all properly gagged, “locked” as we had called it
before this new development, though I am not certain that they communicate via
speech, they could be evolved enough to communicate with thought alone. This thought in
turn brought up the question do they even have mouths? I don’t know, but the “lock”
is securely in place, threaded in through the ejection port and out the magazine
well. Which parts of a living gun’s anatomy that would be are unknown to me.
(That too would require research and I wondered if any in-depth studies had been
conducted on this newly discovered species yet.) I then “bound” my gagged potential terrorists in separate lock boxes to ensure that they could not assist each
other in an escape effort.
Upon completing my preventative defense preparations I grabbed some caffeine
and sat down at my laptop to begin research and as I did I wondered briefly if
it too may evolve one day and joined by others of it’s kind go on a mad killing
spree…but I had no time to consider the endless list of possible species development
at the time, I had to learn more about this formidable new threat!
What I learned was indeed alarming! Not only are these “killer guns” not
autonomous, intelligent or murderous in nature, there is not even one single
documented case of a “living” gun. This news-reporting buffoon on the street
corner was not only misinformed but apparently lacked the intellect to even verify
that this murderous-band-of-firearms tale bore any semblance of truth! I have
heard of exaggeration, but to twist fact into such absurd fiction and then
claim it as truth is a clear indication of the extreme lack of good-judgment and
integrity.
This news prompted me to post a "funny" photo on facebook in which
a protester, of the whining variety, is holding a sign that reads "Gun
sellers are accomplices of crimes”, to illustrate the point of my findings. A
gun seller is no more an accomplice, (to be an accomplice requires knowledge of
the intended crime so that one might encourage or help the perpetrator actually
commit the crime), than a gun is a murderer. (To be a murderer one must have “malice
aforethought” or “intent” to kill (murder) “another human being”, therefore as
the gun is not a “human being” and (as far as is known) has no ability to think,
thus no “aforethought” it cannot be a murderer, or killer: the oft used synonym.)
There are two lessons from this: 1. Truth should be a mandate of news
reporting, but it is not. 2. Therefore, always research what you read/hear/see
reported, NEVER blindly take the information at face value. You have a brain,
use it. (See that, not one, but TWO lessons! This was not a complete waste of time
after all… For that I apologize.)
Until next time monkeys…
